Humorist Of Relationships Pillows

"Seriously I won't be offended - feel free to self-isolate."

"Chips?! Oh yes, in the old days, we used to have chips almost weekly, but then, his girlfriend moved in."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Always Compatible

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."