Relationship Humorist Pillows

"I miss you too, honey. Now put the dog on."

'And this is Ginger, from my fourth marriage.'

A man and woman face each other in profile. A diagram of their brains shows their desires.

"Of course your conversation doesn't bore me...I'm not listening!"

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

"And just exactly what is that expression intended to convey?"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

'It's not us, Louis. It's our medications that don't interact well together.'

"Whaddaya say we turn off the television, go upstairs, get into bed and turn on our computers?"

"An anniversary present? For me? I remembered? Well, thank me very much!"

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

Signs that your real husband has been aducted by aliens: 'I'm sorry/I was wrong/Tell me everything/You look beautiful/I need to listen better/I've been an idiot.'

'The opinions expressed by Mrs Latimore are her own, and do not necessarily reflect those of Mr Latimore.'

'He's the wrong size.'

"By the way, what's your position on some-sex marriage?"

"Your back is killing me!"

"Hey, it's not a race."

"There's an article in that paper, all about how married couples begin to resemble one another."

'Darling, we're not going to resolve this issue that way: Talk to me!'

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

'I'm sorry sweetie, this just isn't working... you've changed!'

'Sometimes I think you're on a different planet.'

'Our staff is highly skilled mam, but getting your husband to grow a backbone is simply beyond our expertise.'

'Will you quit hogging the covers?!'

A man and dog are tied to parking meters.

"I assure you, my sweet, I can't think of anyone I would rather have hound me into my grave than you."

'You never take me anywhere.'

"I liked it better on top of my husband."

'No Longer Welcome' mat

Woman reading book entitled 'Mad Love' while man is fast asleep, hugging his golf clubs.

'I guess this means it's over between us.'

"Was I supposed to answer? I thought it was a rhetorical text."

'Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you agree with me?'

'You really need glasses, dear. You're starting to annoy me.'

"But his vulnerability is what I like about him."