Quirky Relationship Humorist Pillows

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"Crap."

'Yes, my dear...yes, my dear...yes, my dear...'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Always Compatible

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"That was Copernicus on the phone – he says you're NOT the centre of the universe!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."