Quirky Relationship Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Gerald didn't care that Lila was just using him for his straw.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

"First date hairball... awkward."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"You don't whisper anymore."

Astral Projection

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Can I have flies with that'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

He wanted a different one.

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"