Marriage Humor Seeker Gifts

Man to woman watching American football on tv: 'He's the 'reciever', not the 'receptionist'.'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

His and Hers Wedding

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"You call that worrying?"