Marriage Mirth Seeker Gifts

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Parson and abandoned husband

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

Golf cart in the hospital.

Innie Outie

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

"By my count, that is the 27th last cast."

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

Wedding Special: Buy one get your next one free

'No, you can't speak to my husband. He's sitting on the naughty step.'

"We're looking for a ceremony less drastic than marriage?"

"I'll get back to you, I'm at a fairly important meeting"

'I keep getting stomach cramps after eating.' - 'You're probably intolerant to certain foods.' - 'Can you test for that?' - 'Yes, just eat things one by one and see what makes you ill.' - 'Won't that be slow and painful?' - 'Fingers crossed.'

'Well, that didn't go too badly, but I did have a brief rotisserie flashback.'

'Look, can't you take it in turns to do the daily Sudoku?'