Marital Mirth Seekers Gifts

'It's not you Frank, it's this darn global warming!'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Parson and abandoned husband

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

Golf cart in the hospital.

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

"By my count, that is the 27th last cast."

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

Innie Outie

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'This is one thing you can't blame on me.'

'No, you can't speak to my husband. He's sitting on the naughty step.'

"We're looking for a ceremony less drastic than marriage?"

'I keep getting stomach cramps after eating.' - 'You're probably intolerant to certain foods.' - 'Can you test for that?' - 'Yes, just eat things one by one and see what makes you ill.' - 'Won't that be slow and painful?' - 'Fingers crossed.'

'Well, that didn't go too badly, but I did have a brief rotisserie flashback.'

'Look, can't you take it in turns to do the daily Sudoku?'

"It's a parking ticket, madam. The prosecution doesn't need you to testify against your husband."

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

Well, I told you she fancied me!

Santa Claus Christmas Texting

Man to woman watching American football on tv: 'He's the 'reciever', not the 'receptionist'.'