Marital Mirth Seeker Gifts

'He never changes his shirt!'

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

Parson and abandoned husband

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

Golf cart in the hospital.

"By my count, that is the 27th last cast."

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

'Do you, Edward, promise to play second fiddle and also pay the piper?'

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

Innie Outie

'No, you can't speak to my husband. He's sitting on the naughty step.'

"So you both think each other is an idiot. . . who said we wouldn't find some common ground?"

'This is one thing you can't blame on me.'

"We're looking for a ceremony less drastic than marriage?"

'I keep getting stomach cramps after eating.' - 'You're probably intolerant to certain foods.' - 'Can you test for that?' - 'Yes, just eat things one by one and see what makes you ill.' - 'Won't that be slow and painful?' - 'Fingers crossed.'

'Well, that didn't go too badly, but I did have a brief rotisserie flashback.'