Marital Mirth Seeker Gifts

'He never changes his shirt!'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Parson and abandoned husband

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

Golf cart in the hospital.

Innie Outie

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

'Do you, Edward, promise to play second fiddle and also pay the piper?'

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"By my count, that is the 27th last cast."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'No, you can't speak to my husband. He's sitting on the naughty step.'

'This is one thing you can't blame on me.'

"So you both think each other is an idiot. . . who said we wouldn't find some common ground?"

"We're looking for a ceremony less drastic than marriage?"

'I keep getting stomach cramps after eating.' - 'You're probably intolerant to certain foods.' - 'Can you test for that?' - 'Yes, just eat things one by one and see what makes you ill.' - 'Won't that be slow and painful?' - 'Fingers crossed.'

'Well, that didn't go too badly, but I did have a brief rotisserie flashback.'

'Look, can't you take it in turns to do the daily Sudoku?'

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'