Marriage Mirth Seeker Pillows

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Parson and abandoned husband

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

Golf cart in the hospital.

"By my count, that is the 27th last cast."

Innie Outie

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

'No, you can't speak to my husband. He's sitting on the naughty step.'

"We're looking for a ceremony less drastic than marriage?"

Wedding Special: Buy one get your next one free

"I'll get back to you, I'm at a fairly important meeting"

'I keep getting stomach cramps after eating.' - 'You're probably intolerant to certain foods.' - 'Can you test for that?' - 'Yes, just eat things one by one and see what makes you ill.' - 'Won't that be slow and painful?' - 'Fingers crossed.'

'Well, that didn't go too badly, but I did have a brief rotisserie flashback.'