Marriage-satire-seeker Pillows

"We're looking for a ceremony less drastic than marriage?"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Yes ... no!"

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

The finer points of marriage.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

Gender Symbols

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"I married for contrast."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

Google Translate for Marriagese

"I agreed to 'for better' and 'for worse,' but never to 'for mysterious' and 'withholding'."

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"Well, Pook, here's to one old marriage that just won't go away."

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"