Marriage Satire Lover Pillows

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

"Separate clouds, please."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Yes ... no!"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

The finer points of marriage.

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

Google Translate for Marriagese

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

"These should help me approach your father on his own level."

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

"Divorced?" "Separated."

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

'I'm entitled to one phone call!'

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"Ah, honey?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "You've left it in the drawer again."

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

'Actually, your wife's quite hot... Mind if I ask her for a date?... Post decree absolute, of course.'

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

'It would never work, Shep - I'm housebroken, you're not.'

'I wish you wouldn't refer to me as your running mate!'

Lateral thinking...thought bubble bypassing wife's head.

'My wife is setting the world record for an unconsummated marriage!'