Marriage Satire Fan Pillows

"I don't know how many times I've told him about leaving empty toilet rolls in the bathroom."

"Yes ... no!"

"All in black! Who died?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

The finer points of marriage.

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'I told you he had a temper.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

Revenge Graffiti.

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

'You wanted me to take you to my leader. Well, my wife is my leader.'

"I'll be back – I'm going to run from my emotions."

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

"It's his favorite time of year."

Married people live longer

'To be perfectly honest, I cross the road to get away from my husband.'

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

'Oh sit down Harold, Alice doesn't want to hear our problems!'