Marriage Comedy Fan Pillows

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"...and will you, Elaine, promise never to shock Harold by holding your ice cold feet surprisingly against his naked belly?"

'Look, if you're going to keep nagging me, this isn't going to work.'

Woman manipulating her man

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Yes ... no!"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'I told you he had a temper.'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'The coalition of the willing.'

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'...and he hogs the sunny spot!'

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

'You wanted me to take you to my leader. Well, my wife is my leader.'

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

'To be perfectly honest, I cross the road to get away from my husband.'