Light-hearted Marital Humor Fan Pillows

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

His and Hers Wedding

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"No heroic measures."

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'I told you he had a temper.'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'