Relationship Satire Fan Pillows

She left Friday. He noticed Tuesday, when all the clean towels ran out.

'I can't believe you actually JOINED the 'Psycho Girlfriend of the Month' Club!'

"It's appendicitis, madam. No need, at this point, to pull the plug."

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."

"Go on admit it, you've found someone else."

"The divorce judge said half of everything!"

"Talk to your wife, Tuttlebottom. She refuses to sleep with me!"

'Oi mate, are you looking at my bird?'

Bunny Boiler

'Apparently my ex's idea of heaven was to punch me in the eye.'

Revenge Graffiti.

'But don't you remember,this morning,telling me to have a nice day at the office,dear?'

'I like you a lot, Ed, but you're just so needy.'

'I see you were expelled from college for cheating.'

"For the divorce she took half of everything!"

'Wipe that silly grin off your face!'

"Don’t take it personally, Ed. Your wife told me I was a terrible kisser, too."

"I can't keep it from you any longer, Irene. This is the other woman."

Life is for the birds.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"First date hairball... awkward."

"You know, there are other emojis."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'