Relationship Satire Aficionado Pillows

'Hello, Mr. Harris?... This is the private eye you hired to follow your wife. I'm afraid you were right, she is sleeping with another man.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Yes ... no!"

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

Revenge Graffiti.

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

"What's come between us?"

His and Hers.

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

"Marry you? Why I wouldn't even vote to let you into my co-op."