Relationship Satire Enthusiast Pillows

"Divorced?" "Separated."

"Also, your wife called to remind you today is the tenth anniversary of your bailout."

Gravestones read 'Loving partner' and 'Still not looking for anything serious'.

'It would never work, Shep - I'm housebroken, you're not.'

'Your explanation for all these business dinners with my wife better be good!'

"Someone gave you flowers? Who?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"You're hogging the covers again!"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

Revenge Graffiti.

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

His and Hers.

"What's come between us?"

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."