Relationship Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"Divorced?" "Separated."

"Also, your wife called to remind you today is the tenth anniversary of your bailout."

Gravestones read 'Loving partner' and 'Still not looking for anything serious'.

'It would never work, Shep - I'm housebroken, you're not.'

'Your explanation for all these business dinners with my wife better be good!'

"Someone gave you flowers? Who?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"You're hogging the covers again!"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

Revenge Graffiti.

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

His and Hers.

"What's come between us?"