Relationship Satire Gifts

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'Look at her - flat broke soon to be flat rich!'

"I don't think I'd mind so much if it was another woman."

'My steve is terrified of commitment - he won't even subscribe to magazines.'

We can still be friends cafe.

"It's the milkman's birthday tomorrow. Do you think he'll like his present?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"I lose more girlfriends that way."

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

"That's right, Carl. I'm bitchy. I'm supposed to be bitchy."

Hello, Susie, it's R

'I just want to be sure to get this right. You met again your imaginary childhood friend and then happened WHAT?'

"I read somewhere that when two people live together for a long time they start to look like each other."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

"He just married me on the rebound."

'You were hot in bed last night.' 'I know, I should have taken my socks off.'

'Great, we're lost. I thought you said you knew the way to the ark! I bet even the stupid monkeys made it there!'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'