Relationship Satire Fans Gifts

"Why would I do that? We don't talk now."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Yes ... no!"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

One cheese omelette, and I've never cheated on my husband. Um, okay. Anything else? A side of hash browns for this one-man woman! And a chocolate as hot and sweet as my intensely singular love for this phenomenal guy. Chuck? Yes dear? I've been having an affair for the last six months. Oh don't act surprised. One scone, and what the @#$% just happened? The denial and snacks before the storm.

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'