Relationship Satire Fans Gifts

"Why would I do that? We don't talk now."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Yes ... no!"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."