Dating Satire Fan Gifts

'You're a nice guy and all that, but I'm looking for somebody more symmetrical.'

'Where are all the good men - you know, the old, rich, sick ones with a 'do not resuscitate' order?'

Would you like me to write down my phone number? First, write down your age number, your weight number and your IQ number. Then I'll let you know.

"Apparently, yours looks like Madonna."

"I'm sorry. I'm just not in to feet."

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Director/Action Man toy.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Fabrique en Francais (Made in France).

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

What's normal?

"No Frodo, we are still many leagues from Mordor. This is from a wildfire by I-5 west of Bakersfield."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"You know, there are other emojis."

The Working Woman's Magazine

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

How am I abducting?

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

Parade of Businessmen

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

On the brink.

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"I find that hugely offensive!"