Dating Satire Fan Gifts

'You're a nice guy and all that, but I'm looking for somebody more symmetrical.'

'Where are all the good men - you know, the old, rich, sick ones with a 'do not resuscitate' order?'

"Apparently, yours looks like Madonna."

"I'm sorry. I'm just not in to feet."

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Director/Action Man toy.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Fabrique en Francais (Made in France).

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

What's normal?

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

The Working Woman's Magazine

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

Parade of Businessmen

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

How am I abducting?

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"I find that hugely offensive!"

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

The Snarky District

On the brink.