Marriage Satire Fan Gifts

"I don't know how many times I've told him about leaving empty toilet rolls in the bathroom."

"Yes ... no!"

"All in black! Who died?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

The finer points of marriage.

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'I told you he had a temper.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

Revenge Graffiti.

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'You wanted me to take you to my leader. Well, my wife is my leader.'

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"It's his favorite time of year."

'To be perfectly honest, I cross the road to get away from my husband.'

"I'll be back – I'm going to run from my emotions."

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

Married people live longer

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

'Oh sit down Harold, Alice doesn't want to hear our problems!'