Marriage Satire Gifts

Woman in Bed Holds Sign Saying 'No.'

'My wife keeps threatening to divorce me...unfortunately, it's only a threat.'

'And after we are married, my dear, this will be your room.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Yes ... no!"

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

The finer points of marriage.

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

Your nose used to light up and buzz when I touched you.

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'