Marriage Satire Prints

Woman in Bed Holds Sign Saying 'No.'

'My wife keeps threatening to divorce me...unfortunately, it's only a threat.'

'And after we are married, my dear, this will be your room.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Yes ... no!"

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

The finer points of marriage.

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'