Marital Satire Gifts

"So exactly WHEN did you divorce your wife?"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"Yes ... no!"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

The finer points of marriage.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"Now remember - ten paces, turn and fire..."

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

'Everytime I look at another man he hits the ceiling.'

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

Marriage Guidance

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

Roach Motel

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

"Divorced?" "Separated."

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

'Hello, Mr. Harris?... This is the private eye you hired to follow your wife. I'm afraid you were right, she is sleeping with another man.'

'I pursued the ol' M-R-S degree, with a concentration in all of his shortcomings.'

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'