Marital Satire Seeker Gifts

Well, I told you she fancied me!

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Yes ... no!"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

The finer points of marriage.

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

Roach Motel

"Actually, that doesn't constitute a crime; but I do hope your wife returns your hopes and dreams."

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

'Hello, Mr. Harris?... This is the private eye you hired to follow your wife. I'm afraid you were right, she is sleeping with another man.'

"Divorced?" "Separated."

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

'It would never work, Shep - I'm housebroken, you're not.'

"We're looking for a ceremony less drastic than marriage?"

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

'I'm entitled to one phone call!'

'Actually, your wife's quite hot... Mind if I ask her for a date?... Post decree absolute, of course.'

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

"I can't sentence your husband to hard time in this court, and having met you, it would be unnecessarily redundant."

"It was peaceful - I listed his faults the one last time and he drifted away."

'I call it, 'Albert Was Insufferable'.'

"Separate clouds, please."

'That's the mental cruelty pair,she's cruel and he's mental.'

"My wife of fifty years would kill me if she knew I was having this affair."

'My wife is setting the world record for an unconsummated marriage!'

"You may now start packing on the pounds."