Marital Satire Fan Gifts

"Attic or cellar?"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

'I know there's something rotten in Denmark. I'm married to it!'

'I call it, 'Albert Was Insufferable'.'

'There's one thing that keeps me from a serious commitment - my wife!'

Divorce papers delivery.

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Yes ... no!"

The finer points of marriage.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'I told you he had a temper.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

Revenge Graffiti.

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

'You wanted me to take you to my leader. Well, my wife is my leader.'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"It's his favorite time of year."

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

"I'll be back – I'm going to run from my emotions."

'To be perfectly honest, I cross the road to get away from my husband.'

"Not only, she drives me crazy - she found me a car pool!"

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'