Marriage Satire Lover Gifts

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

"Separate clouds, please."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"Yes ... no!"

The finer points of marriage.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

Google Translate for Marriagese

"These should help me approach your father on his own level."

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

"Divorced?" "Separated."

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

'Actually, your wife's quite hot... Mind if I ask her for a date?... Post decree absolute, of course.'

'It would never work, Shep - I'm housebroken, you're not.'

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

'I wish you wouldn't refer to me as your running mate!'

"I can't sentence your husband to hard time in this court, and having met you, it would be unnecessarily redundant."

"Ah, honey?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "You've left it in the drawer again."

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

'I'm entitled to one phone call!'

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

Lateral thinking...thought bubble bypassing wife's head.