Relationship Satire Lovers Gifts

"I was just wondering, Mr. Parker, when you planned to come by and pick up Mrs. Parker?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Aging Problems

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

His and Hers.

"I've never felt this close to anyone before!"

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."

"We never talk anymore."

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

I'm sorry, Dick. I think we should start seeing other demons.