Relationship Satire Lovers Gifts

"I was just wondering, Mr. Parker, when you planned to come by and pick up Mrs. Parker?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

Reading the sports pages.

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Aging Problems

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"We never talk anymore."

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."

"I've never felt this close to anyone before!"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'I will subject to certain conditions...'