Relationship Satire Lover Gifts

'Early marriage guidance counsellors'

"These should help me approach your father on his own level."

'I'll never forgive him for having my charge cards wrapped up in his body cast!'

Woman kicking her husband off 'Lover's Leap'.

Divorce proceedings: "And do you, Ann Mary Thomas, agree to take it and shove it?"

I want you to give up married women!

'Dammit, Sybil!! HE'S supposed to hide in the closet!!'

'The wife's driving me to drink.'

'I hate it when you beg.'

'Eating my husband did give me a small bit of consolation for the prenup Hell he put me through.'

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Aging Problems

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'