Romantic Satire Lover Gifts

'Sorry you're just not Mr Right. I'm prescription and you're a non-prescription drug.'

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

Vampire on a plane

David Niven caricature

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"Wait! First, his attorney."

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

Nicolas Maduro

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"These should help me approach your father on his own level."

"I can't. You told him he could date after you came here."

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

'Even our arguments are losing quality - We used to have lover's tif's - Now we have lover's jpegs!'

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

"I've got nothing on for the next few months, do you fancy sex?"

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"Your eyes are limpid pools. You know, you really should have that checked; they're tearing up something awful."

'Someday, all this will be done with prescription drugs.'

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

Angels watch hell on a flatscreen.

'Ever considered playing EASY to get?'

'Sometimes I have a feeling you are just using me, Jason.'

Death with a strimmer (weed whacker)

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

"Ah, I'd give it a few minutes, pal. Maybe light a match."

"Do you Death, take this woman until life do you part?"

"Separate clouds, please."

"I've been hearing some disturbing things about you, Higgins."

'Don't start with that werewolf baloney, Jake... there ain't even a moon out tonight.'