Romantic Satire Lover Gifts

'Sorry you're just not Mr Right. I'm prescription and you're a non-prescription drug.'

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

David Niven caricature

Vampire on a plane

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"Wait! First, his attorney."

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

Nicolas Maduro

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

"I can't. You told him he could date after you came here."

"These should help me approach your father on his own level."

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

Frank's (Littleknown) Bird Sanctuary.

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

'Even our arguments are losing quality - We used to have lover's tif's - Now we have lover's jpegs!'

'So where's the love?' 'Your love means nothing to me.'

"I've got nothing on for the next few months, do you fancy sex?"

"Your eyes are limpid pools. You know, you really should have that checked; they're tearing up something awful."

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

'Someday, all this will be done with prescription drugs.'

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

Angels watch hell on a flatscreen.

'Ever considered playing EASY to get?'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

'Don't start with that werewolf baloney, Jake... there ain't even a moon out tonight.'

Death with a strimmer (weed whacker)

"Ah, I'd give it a few minutes, pal. Maybe light a match."

"Do you Death, take this woman until life do you part?"

"I've been hearing some disturbing things about you, Higgins."