Romantic Satire Gifts

Crushed By A Cupid...Another Inevitable Side Effect Of The Obesity Epidemic.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

Hamlet.

"These should help me approach your father on his own level."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

'Even our arguments are losing quality - We used to have lover's tif's - Now we have lover's jpegs!'

'Someday, all this will be done with prescription drugs.'

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

"Your eyes are limpid pools. You know, you really should have that checked; they're tearing up something awful."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

'Ever considered playing EASY to get?'

"Really? And all this time I thought that was our song."

"Ms. Johnson, bring in your steno pad. Also, a new keg."

'Sometimes I have a feeling you are just using me, Jason.'

"Separate clouds, please."

"It's unconditional love Thursday through Sunday ONLY. It's in the prenup!"

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"Today on wall street, advances led declines...but that was just office romances."

"You know it's just a name, right?"

"Final bit of business, for William's leaving present are opting for the gold watch and Mediterranean cruise or the packet of out of date biscuits and photo of our collective bottoms?"

'I don't deserve you? Listen, NOBODY deserves you!'

Five star rating

We can still be friends cafe.

'Oh yes... and I'll want one for the wife as well.'

'You're the best thing that ever happened to me, from a financial perspective.'

"I was just wondering, Mr. Parker, when you planned to come by and pick up Mrs. Parker?"