Romantic Satire Gifts

Crushed By A Cupid...Another Inevitable Side Effect Of The Obesity Epidemic.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

'No. It's not a past girlfriend. I'm a tort lawyer.'

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

Hamlet.

"These should help me approach your father on his own level."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

'So where's the love?' 'Your love means nothing to me.'

'Even our arguments are losing quality - We used to have lover's tif's - Now we have lover's jpegs!'

"Your eyes are limpid pools. You know, you really should have that checked; they're tearing up something awful."

'Someday, all this will be done with prescription drugs.'

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"If music be the food of love, shut up."

'Ever considered playing EASY to get?'

"Ms. Johnson, bring in your steno pad. Also, a new keg."

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"Really? And all this time I thought that was our song."

"It's unconditional love Thursday through Sunday ONLY. It's in the prenup!"

'Sometimes I have a feeling you are just using me, Jason.'

"Separate clouds, please."

"Today on wall street, advances led declines...but that was just office romances."

'I don't deserve you? Listen, NOBODY deserves you!'

Randy, you're going to represent Rudy in our private relationship matter? I've been retained. That's outrageous. He can speak for himself. He has. By choosing me as his representative. So you're his stand-in. Well, what if I feel like giving Rudy a big kiss right now? Hey! What's good for the goose, baby. I may lower my fee.

"I was just wondering, Mr. Parker, when you planned to come by and pick up Mrs. Parker?"

'Oh yes... and I'll want one for the wife as well.'

'You're the best thing that ever happened to me, from a financial perspective.'

Five star rating

'My wife keeps threatening to divorce me...unfortunately, it's only a threat.'

"You know it's just a name, right?"

'I hate it when you beg.'