Romantic Satire Appreciator Gifts

"Your eyes are limpid pools. You know, you really should have that checked; they're tearing up something awful."

How the dish was able to run away with the spoon

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"Steamed vegetables."

'Oh Hi!'

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Russia Money Laundering

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"Amateurs."

The Greek Trampoline

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Noah's Ark/Single's Cruise

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

Historic Bank Jobs.