Romantic Satirist Gifts

'Even our arguments are losing quality - We used to have lover's tif's - Now we have lover's jpegs!'

'Ever considered playing EASY to get?'

'So where's the love?' 'Your love means nothing to me.'

"Today on wall street, advances led declines...but that was just office romances."

"This mask is a bit of a passion killer. . . !"

"It's over." "I'm outta here." "It's not you, it's me."

"What are you waiting for, kiss her!"

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

Five star rating

"...I just hope my husband doesn't find out!"

'Someday, all this will be done with prescription drugs.'

'I didn't say you are deep. I said bottom of the barrel.'

'I knew her two cheque-books ago...'

'Oh yes... and I'll want one for the wife as well.'

'I wish they'd leave us out of their sordid affairs!'

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"I love you, too, sir."

"Where am I with you, Roland…above the line or below the line?"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

Sock Puppet in Literature

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

Tunnel of Like.

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"