Marriage Satirist Gifts

"OK, you can have another spin - but only 'cause it's your birthday."

'I'd always assumed that only hormone replacement therapy could make me feel better. Then I discovered husband replacement therapy. . .'

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

'If I say I do, does it mean I can't date other people anymore?'

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'My wife is setting the world record for an unconsummated marriage!'

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'Sally, I'm going to marry a rich girl, get my MBA, invest her money, become very wealthy, wait till the kids are all through college, and then divorce her -- Will you wait for me?'

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

"We have a motive and a murder weapon. The only thing puzzling us is why you haven't murdered him yet."

"I'm not against same-sex marriage - I'm just against marriage!"

"I dunno how long this will last."

"So it turns out she wasn't the type of girl I could take home to my wife."

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"I can't sentence your husband to hard time in this court, and having met you, it would be unnecessarily redundant."

The finer points of marriage.

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'We were married before, and now he wants a rematch.'

'I've kept it on there for seven years now, Never had a speeding ticket,'

'That's the mental cruelty pair,she's cruel and he's mental.'

'How come MARRIAGE doesn't have term limits?'

'The poor thing invented marriage.'

"Before marriage, she let me twist in the wind, after, she nailed me to the wall."

'I'm entitled to one phone call!'

'You're home early? How could you be so cliche?'

Married Life - Husband paying his wife no attention at the dinner table

Man with key to the alcohol cupboard

I do if she does. I do if he does. I have a bad feeling about this.

"Yes, I can talk. I got the wife on vibrate."

"I'm getting a preemptive divorce."

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"