Dating Satirists Gifts

"You don't look anything like your profile picture."

The search for Bigfoot continues for a group of women who know that if his feet are that big...

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

U of Debt

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

"She wishes to range free!"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

Police film evidence

The Great Leap Forward