Dating Satirists Pillows

"You don't look anything like your profile picture."

The search for Bigfoot continues for a group of women who know that if his feet are that big...

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

U of Debt

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"She wishes to range free!"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

Police film evidence

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'