Dating Scene Humorists Gifts

Singles Baa - "So, what's a girl like ewe doing in a place like this?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"You need a mint."

First Date

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

He's Tasty!

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Chameleon in a bar.

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

"Siri, find me someone better."

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

I'm used to seeing crocodile tears when I tell off a man in this bar, but this is the first time I've seen crocodile exclamation points. ! !

Do you suspect me of ulterior motives? Let's put it this way: You're not a suspect; you're a person of disinterest.