Dating Service Humorist Gifts

"So, are you working Mr Smith?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

First Date

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

Dating Rule #1. Repeat after me: I need some space. I need some space. Got it. Good. Make sure you tell that to Laurel all the time. But

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

He's Tasty!

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

Chameleon in a bar.

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'