Dating Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Really sorry for going on about myself for so long, would you like to go on about me for a bit?"

You make me want to be a better man. Please knock it off. !

'Sorry, Tim, I never kiss on the eighty-fifth date.'

'You certainly are a lady-killer - I'm almost starved to death!'

'In case you have doubts about going up to my apartment, I have 3 personal references which you may call.'

"She needs to be a purebred in the streets but a mongrel between the sheets."

"Well of course I'm nervous....what if I chat her up only to find out she's my ex?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

'He's wearing a toupee.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

'You certainly picked your moment to propose!'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

First Date

The Meeting Agenda: Start Simple

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

He's Tasty!

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

Chameleon in a bar.

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

I'm used to seeing crocodile tears when I tell off a man in this bar, but this is the first time I've seen crocodile exclamation points. ! !

Do you suspect me of ulterior motives? Let's put it this way: You're not a suspect; you're a person of disinterest.