Dating Humor Aficionado Gifts

Chameleon in a bar.

"Doreen and Janice. Were excited to see a tool-using hominid at the end of the bar that night."

"Blind dates can be awkward so I'll break the ice first. . . my colonoscopy took forever this morning."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

'He's wearing a toupee.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

'You certainly picked your moment to propose!'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

The Meeting Agenda: Start Simple

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

He's Tasty!

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Siri, find me someone better."

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

"He's handsome. I wonder how he tastes?"

"What's wrong with you? Just call her John! Just pick up the phone and dial!"

'Five minutes into date 1 and my dog has already booked date 2. . .'

The professor learns that human females do not respond to tree frog mating calls.