Dating Humor Aficionado Pillows

Chameleon in a bar.

"Doreen and Janice. Were excited to see a tool-using hominid at the end of the bar that night."

'Believe me -- there's nothing worse than a clingy Klingon!'

"Blind dates can be awkward so I'll break the ice first. . . my colonoscopy took forever this morning."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

'He's wearing a toupee.'

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

'You certainly picked your moment to propose!'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

First Date

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

The Meeting Agenda: Start Simple

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

He's Tasty!

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

I'm used to seeing crocodile tears when I tell off a man in this bar, but this is the first time I've seen crocodile exclamation points. ! !

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'

"Siri, find me someone better."

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

Do you suspect me of ulterior motives? Let's put it this way: You're not a suspect; you're a person of disinterest.

"He's handsome. I wonder how he tastes?"

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'