Dating Humor Fan Pillows

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Ah non, madame, this is your economy class Englishman. Anything with a chin on it will cost you twice as much!"

'Hey good lookin' come here often?'

-and which one's your bird?

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

Life is for the birds.

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

One cheese omelette, and I've never cheated on my husband. Um, okay. Anything else? A side of hash browns for this one-man woman! And a chocolate as hot and sweet as my intensely singular love for this phenomenal guy. Chuck? Yes dear? I've been having an affair for the last six months. Oh don't act surprised. One scone, and what the @#$% just happened? The denial and snacks before the storm.

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

"You need a mint."

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

'Marry me!'

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

"Do you have to put tomato sauce on everything?"