Dating Humor Fans Pillows

Why worms have no confidence

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Life is for the birds.

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

"You need a mint."

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

'Listen, I'm flattered, but it's safer for you if we just stay friends...'

'You're seeing someone else, aren't you?'

'You won't have me as a deduction anymore.'

He's Tasty!

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

Chameleon in a bar.

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

Have you ever been cross questioned Yes, I'm married,

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."