Dating Humor Fans Pillows

Why worms have no confidence

Life is for the birds.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

"You need a mint."

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

First Date

"You come out of there, Harry. We're not done talking."

'You won't have me as a deduction anymore.'

'Listen, I'm flattered, but it's safer for you if we just stay friends...'

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'You're seeing someone else, aren't you?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

He's Tasty!

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Chameleon in a bar.

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

Do you suspect me of ulterior motives? Let's put it this way: You're not a suspect; you're a person of disinterest.