Dating Site Humorist Gifts

"Here's a candidate that might be exactly what you're looking for. She describes herself as: 'A woman of loose morals.'"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

Catroom.

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

He's Tasty!

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

Chameleon in a bar.

"There's no such thing as a stupid question -- There are, however, stupid Google searches."

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

"Siri, find me someone better."