Digital Dating Humorist Gifts

Man's Best Friend Wanted.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"OMG, LOL!"

"Will follow you on social media for food."

Online Dating

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Sally and Doug had met online and were proving to be very compatible...

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

The Smartass Phone

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"That guy I just met is already texting me pictures of his plumage."

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

'for more obit info, go to...'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

The Escape Key

"Does 14 followers on Twitter count as 'leadership experience'?"

Terms and conditions

"Romeo,Romeo. Are you online,Romeo"

'Do you mind if I share your post on my wall?'