Dating Service Humorist Pillows

"So, are you working Mr Smith?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

He's Tasty!

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

Chameleon in a bar.

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

"Swipe left." Henry VIII