Dating Agency Humorist Pillows

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you, Charles?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

He's Tasty!

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

Chameleon in a bar.

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

"Siri, find me someone better."

"If you want to charge a man for sex, you have to do it like everyone else - slowly, over time, beginning with dinner."

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

Cupid accidentally kills one of his targets.

"You're a pig in bed."

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'