Dating Agency Humorist Gifts

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you, Charles?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

First Date

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

He's Tasty!

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Chameleon in a bar.

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

"You're a pig in bed."

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

Cupid accidentally kills one of his targets.

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"