Internet Dating Humorist Pillows

"That's an unusual, orange jumpsuit!"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Did you get my tweet?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"She looks just like in your photos."

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

Advertising on the internet.

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

Twitter that!

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

Facebook For Dogs.

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

"The internet without cat pictures? No way! Make a realistic wish like peace on earth, justice for all, everlasting life, sane politicians..."

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

"Just right click, save as, and now you own the complete works of William Shakespeare."

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"

Catroom.

Multiple personalities with blogs.